Admittance

After coming to grips with the fact that my incision was tearing itself open for a second time, I called Dr. Oyekan. He told us to walk in to his clinic and he would see us right away. We packed up the baby and headed to Ft. Belvoir, again, and went to the women's clinic. They were expecting us. That's creepy... Hi, I'm Jackie Risnear, I'm a patient of.... "Yes. We've been expecting you"

He had me sit on this weird teal chair thing that looked like a recliner with half of a seat. I couldn't really sit up. He reclined the "bed" and put my feet in the stirrups. "You are going to feel me touching you" This phrase I heard a million billion ga-jillion times in the coming weeks. I was in so much pain I couldn't bear him touching at all. He injected some anti-inflammatory (Toradol) into my left butt cheek and then my right. Pretty soon the pain was down enough for him to examine me. Just the simple motion of him slowly placing a lubricated, gloved index finger into my vagina was enough to make my entire body spasm from pain. I was breathing in and out as if I were having strong labor contractions. He had to place a speculum to get a good look at how badly the incision was coming apart. I can't describe how painful that was because I blacked out.

"Mrs. Risnear? I am going to bring in the head of the Gynechology department and see what he suggests we do next, ok?" The next Dr. dcided the best thing to do was to admit me for pain management and to watch the incision. Dr. Oyekan was confident that the tear wasn't significant and the leakage I noticed was clear fluid. I was fully ready to be admitted, fully ready to have my pain under control, but not fully ready to live in the hospital for a month with my newborn and my husband.

After they got me admitted and took me to my room on the 6th floor, John took off with Johnny and went home to pack up some of our things. The nurses were very nice. Some I don't remember, Some I remember well. Jessica Newman was the one to start up my IV line. She had a friendly face and was comforting. They showed me how to work the tv (I already knew, since I had just given birth two floors up) and gave me the dinner menu. John came back with toiletries, my favorite nightgown and my ipad. He had to walk Johnny laps around the hospital to get Johnny to fall asleep. I was in a drug haze and my pain was finally managed.

A couple of days went by. I had lots of pain medicine and lots of hands and eyes up my crotch. Dr. O delivered dreadful news, the incision was opening again. He described it as "staples tearing through a wet paper towel". He teamed up with the Cololrectal surgeons and they decided that another attempt at reattatching the tissue was pointless. The tissue needed to heal before it could be re attatched. 

This required more surgery and one of the most painful moments I can recall.

Before surgery

Dr. O. had to open the wound completely. Around this time was when my lactation consultant Amy came back to check on me. She suggested I start an anti depressant. I'm glad she did. 

Back into the OR we go. I was still nursing... 

yes, thats my boob next to my sons head. At least someone was happy!

so I couldn't go under general anesthesia again. This time, Dr. O suggested having the spinal tap and keeping it in for three days to keep the pain away. They wheeled me into the OR; bright lights, cold air, antiseptic smell, beeping machines. I was on my back and they needed me to move from my hospital bed to the operating table. This was so painful, but with the help of the nurses I slowly moved over. Next I had to sit up in epidural position. I had to put my full weight on my wounded rear end. I was trembling and crying and sweating. The pain was so intense I felt the urge to vomit. Dr. O was wonderful, he helped hold me up. I had my arms around his neck and my head on his shoulder and he kept telling me that all the pain would soon go away. I had no option except to hold still and trust him. After the catheter was in place, they helped me onto my back, put on the oxygen and I felt the happy warmness come over my body and the pain slip away.

Waking up from this surgery was a little better. I had a PCA button (a pain button that dispursed a small dose of iv pain medicine every time I pushed it, around every 6 minutes) and I was numb from the waist down. I had a catheter so I didn't have to worry about going pee.

My iv stand in all its glory

Then I realized... what about bowel movements?

Yes. what about them? I was numb. Paralyzed, and thankful for it... however, I could not control my bowels. I was a 28 year old woman, wearing a diaper, waiting for someone to change it. It was mortifying. Until now, I have blocked this out of my memory. Part of my therapy is to make myself remember these aweful things. I felt helpless and embarassed. I didn't want anyone to see me like that, especially my husband. How would he ever find me attractive again? 

My night nurse, Ms. Loving, was always the one who had to clean me up. She would use these washcloths that were already soaped, just needed water. She would roll me to one side of the bed and put clean sheets under me, and then roll me to the other side and put the rest of the new bedding on. I was like a dead weight dummy. Helpless. More pain meds please. She was a pushy lady but she took really good care of me. 

to be continued....